Chapter 30, 2006 Highlights

Chapter 30, some of the many reasons to keep on pushing on -Highlights 2006
Time just keeps passing by and I'm still here for the ride! Mike continues to be hard working focusing on whatever needs to be done. The kids are growing up and I'm happy to be here for every significant event such as; teaching them how to drive, watching them with their first "serious" boyfriend, or regrettably witnessing their first break up, or even picking out dresses for junior high and high school dances, and unfortunately finding out about their first drink.
Driving
Alex was sure to be at the Bureau of Motor Vehicles the second she could to get her drivers Learning Permit. We arrived at the BMV directly following school but were unable to get the permit. Apparently, to get your permit you need your original birth certificate and not the copy which is what we had. This created a meltdown of epic proportions since it would take a few days to get the original and she wanted that license the very day she turned 16. Who knew this young woman could be so determined, another indication that she is a lot like her father.
A few days later the birth certificate arrived and Alex was in the business of practice driving with me as the passenger. What do you get when you mix fear along with determination, Alex Wetzel driving down the road. The weather was wet with rain and it was dark for her first driving experience. As she approached a descending, winding hill in our town she failed to let up on the gas until I asked her to. When we got to the bottom we weren't moving, in an excited voice I told her to give it some gas but she started screaming, she couldn't find the pedal. Alas, it was down there, she found it and we were on our way back up the other side of the hill. Whew!
Aside from a few mishaps with my car like scraping the side of the garage or grazing the car against a small scenic one lane bridge in our town, she did ok driving. After Alex completed 50 practice hours of road time and she turned 16 she was ready to take her in car driving test. In most cases, if someone is going to flunk the test, they flunk the maneuverability portion of the exam, but not Alex, she passed the maneuverability with absolutely no problem but flunked the street test because she was too cautious on the road. Devastated by her failure, she was back again as soon as possible to pass with flying colors. That's Alex, a strong minded goal orientated closer.
Katie's driving experience was much different. If you've not already discovered through my writing she has the qualities of a barely 5' person, large in personality and in charge, she comes across as a strong independent young woman unafraid of anything, or anyone, which is actually just a facade, but that's how she appears to the unsuspecting. Katie waited about three months longer than she needed to get her Driver's permit. Was it because she didn't care to drive? Hard to believe from this independent girl, or was she afraid to get behind the wheel. She'll never tell. This girl keeps everything so tight to her vest. Katie finally got her license on the first try and became crazy lady driver of the century! A friend of mine phoned me one day to say that Katie was airborne while crossing Gulf Road at 57, an intersection by her school which she inevitably was going to be late for.
Katie, again running late for school, ripped off the side view mirror while pulling out of the driveway on a plastic garbage can. I contend she had to be backing out at Mario Andretti speed to accomplish that. "No Mom, I wasn't going that fast!" She also got slightly t-boned while taking a left onto our street, but she wasn't texting while driving. "I swear Mom, I wasn't texting, that car just came out of nowhere." Thank God we have a few years before Frankie hits the driving age.
Dances
Shopping for school dance dresses seems like an occasion for a mother and a daughter to bond, you know share the day with one another, go out for lunch, buy new shoes and just get giddy over how much fun they are going to have at the dance. This has not exactly been my experience or my daughter's. Mike really should be the one taking them out to purchase dresses because he is willing to shell out a little extra for just the right item or items. The girls wouldn't fight as much with him!
If I'm your Mom, there are so many areas for possible arguments when shopping for dance dresses. First we have the price of the dress. I've discussed my frugal ways and the kid's annoyance with it. They always want something more expensive than I am willing to pay. Remember, this is an item that is probably going to get just one wearing. Then we consider style. It can't be too low, tight or short. A lot of time is spent on this negotiable area. When we've found just the right dress, we purchase it and move on to the shoe argument. "Can't you wear a pair of shoes from home?" I ask. Sometimes that works and other times we have to buy the shoes, again with the cheapness, I'm all over it. We get the least expensive most acceptable pair of shoes. Jewelry? Who needs to accessorize? One more area I don't have a lot of practice in. I constantly wear the same trinkets; no accessory awards for me.
On occasion, the girls have been able to wear dresses or shoes handed down by their sisters, but because they are not the same size it doesn't happen often. Katie, bless her heart, rigged a pair of Alex's old shoes by using hair ties on the straps to fit her better, a kid after my own heart. Too bad that didn't last long. Her standards have risen and she insists on things that fit properly now. Arguments or not, it is still a joy to be here to partake in the rituals of family life.
Boyfriends
Alex was in the 11th grade before she had her first serious boyfriend. In the 9th grade she thought there was something wrong with her because every time a boy started to like her and possibly want kiss her, she would get a tight feeling in her chest and not be able to go through with the kiss or having a boyfriend. I asked, "Do you like boys?" "Yes Mom, I'm not a lesbian!" was her response. I answered her by saying, "When it's the right time and the right person you won't feel those negative feelings, it will just feel right."
A few years later Alex was obviously ready for a boyfriend. He was over for a visit and Frankie was sent by her Father to tell them it was time for the guy to go home, much to Frankie's shock, they were making out, without disturbing Alex, Frankie ran to express her concern to Mike. The next day she voiced the same concern to me. "I thought Alex was a good girl," was how she started the conversation. Feeling shock, I asked why she would say that, after hearing about the make out session I asked, "Did they have clothes on?" "That's the same thing Dad asked me," she said," and yuck, yes they had clothes on." After sigh of relief, I explained to Frankie that it was normal to kiss your boyfriend, with your clothes on of course, and she wasn't being bad, it's normal to kiss the person you are dating.
I wouldn't say that Katie had a serious boyfriend, but she sincerely cared for someone who found his way into another girl's arms; this devastated her enough to never want to get too terribly involved with any boy. She is however only in the tenth grade her feelings are sure to change. Frankie is still at the age where you go out with a boy but you don't go anywhere. I can wait a few years to see her get involved with the opposite sex.
Drinking
Alex and I were driving home from an appointment when I expressed my pride in the decisions she has made thus far in her young life. She works hard at school, she has a job two days a week she dances three to four days a week and she has not gotten involved in teenage drinking. Silence filled the air for a few long minutes until she blurts out with tears. "I have gotten drunk!" "It was a few weeks after Junior Ring, it was the first time and I puked my guts out. I swear I have not done it since." Sigh! I love a good confession. Alex always knows the right time to come clean about everything. I didn't yell at her, just listened, and thanked her for being honest with me. Adding on that it was a really good thing that she puked her guts out! Puking is a great consequence for drinking too much! Hopefully she learned her lesson
The second kid's life experiences seem to happen at an earlier age than the first, except for maybe driving. Katie experimented with drinking in the tenth grade. I didn't find out about this incident until well after the fact. Mum's the word on how I found out. I have my ways. Apparently, Alex and her friends took care of Katie during her stupor, cleaned her up, again, puking was involved, and put her to bed. Teenage drinking is not something I promote. I did it, many kids do, but there is such a rite of passage about it and it seems all too often to get out of control. If my children, at the appropriate age, drank like me, socially, never out of control, I wouldn't mind, but that isn't the case with kids. This is another area of experience that Frankie is too young for. Let's hope it stays that way for several years.
Anniversaries
We celebrated the third anniversary of my terminal diagnosis with our traditional KFC, beer and additional food accessories. My friend Cindy brought her husband Bruce this year, an outgoing funny guy who can liven up any party by his amusing personality. He kept us laughing while relaying the story of his first meeting with Cindy. After seeing her voluptuous behind and pretty face he knew she would be his bride someday, he simulated her sexy walk for us which made us all smile. As we laugh and talk we also acknowledge that I've lasted a year longer than my original prognosis. We take the time to give thanks for that and enjoy the evening with one another. We also celebrated the 1 year anniversary of my time on the clinical trial drug which continues to keep the cancer at bay. This year also marks the 20th wedding anniversary for Mike and me. There are so many experiences to be grateful for.
My 50th Birthday
In March of this year I was fortunate enough to celebrate my 50th birthday. The following summer my family decided to throw a combination party celebrating my 50th birthday, my Dad's 80th birthday, Alex's 17th birthday Frankie's 12th birthday our 20th anniversary and a family reunion all at the same time. This was all a surprise to me. I should have had a clue when my out of town family members started arriving saying they just wanted to surprise me with a visit. I expected my parents but soon my sister Angie and her family appeared just as a surprise and then my sister Paddy and her daughter Samantha arrived from California. People just kept appearing. On the day of the party Angie and Paddy took me and my Mother out to get a massage, manicure and pedicure while the other's prepared for the party. Upon arriving home and turning down my street I saw our driveway full of people and a catering truck. I wanted to turn around and peel out of there. Being the center of attention is not the most comfortable position for me. Accepting the kindness of others humbles me to my core. As I got out of the car I said, "I am still going to be here next year!"
There were so many people there from the kids' friends to our neighbors and coworkers, school friends and best friends from in and out of town. Many of my siblings and their families, Mike's brother Bob, his wife Mae, their kids and grandchild all the way from Oklahoma, my brother Shane, his wife Amy and their three kids from Arkansas. Mike's Aunts from Pennsylvania, my sister Kim her husband Joe and my niece Kelsey as well as Sister's Maureen, her family was unable to make it, accompanied by my oldest sister Kerry with her newly adopted daughter Rubina. My sister Mary and her husband Pete along with their son Jack made it out for the celebration as well.
Even though I was uncomfortable, the party was a huge success. The food was good, the weather was beautiful and there just seemed to be joy in the air for me. I am a fortunate woman to have so many nice people show up for me. This was an uplifting moment that would carry me mentally for awhile.
Advice
Treasure negotiating the essentials when buying a dance dress for your daughter; try not to cave on your values even if you're not feeling well. Make the day special.
Have empathy for your kids experiences like learning how to drive. Don't be scared even if you don't have a brake pedal on the passenger side.
Handle your kid's negative situations with care, especially if they make a confession to you. Their acknowledgement of a harmful behavior is a huge step. Let them know they can always come to you without fear.
Enjoy a wonderful party whether for you or someone else. Cherish the personalities you see there and the moments you have with them.
Continue to celebrate all the anniversaries in your life.