Chapter 34, 2010, the cancer continues to spread
The cancer continues to spread
January, 2010 the beginning of yet another new year. The past chemo therapies are not working allowing the tumors to continue to spread in the bone. My left femur, which is the thigh bone, now has a tumor. I can feel it when I teach exercise class. The pain is there looming in the background until I do a squat, an exercise for the thighs and butt, that is when it roars its ugly head in pain. After confirming the presence of the tumor Dr. Budd changes my chemo to Avastin and Ixabepilone he also refers me again to the Radiation Oncologist as well as an Orthopedic doctor to discuss what options are best for me, surgery to stabilize the bone or radiation. The surgical procedure would require putting a pin in the bone making it less likely to break. The bones can become brittle and weak when compromised by cancer, if the thigh bone breaks my mobility would be lost temporarily.
Before going to the doctor I made up my mind that I was not going to have any type of surgery. This would put me down for several weeks which would mean I couldn't teach and I'd need help around the house with basic daily tasks and activities. I'm not interested, but I'm willing to listen to what the doc says. It is bad enough that my health continues to deteriorate; immobility would probably send me over the edge. During the Orthopedic exam, the physician commented on my excellent flexibility, agility and strength. Yoga and other combined exercise are responsible for those benefits, thank God for that good news. This is why I exercise even when I don't feel like it, the positive aspects are too many to ignore. We discuss my options and both agree that surgery probably isn't the best one. He let me go with the understanding that I would not participate in high impact aerobic type exercise like running and jumping. I agreed. My next stop would be a visit with the Radiation Oncologist. We set up a time in February for one large dose of radiation to the tumor in the thigh bone.
Unfortunately the procedure is scheduled for the same day Frankie is making her Confirmation. This is a Sacrament where a parishioner confirms their faith in Catholicism and commits to it as their faith going into adulthood, an important time in Frankie's religious life. It is regretful but necessary that I have to have this treatment on the same day, but we'll make due.
Frankie's best friend and our next door neighbor KK is Frankie's sponsor for the event. Alex is unable to be here because of school but Mike, his mom, Chuck, Katie, Frankie's good friend Maria and me are in attendance. The students proceed into the church at 7:00 pm sharp, as I watch full of emotion the effects of the radiation performed on me earlier in the day are about to come to a crescendo. Thankfully Frankie and KK are several pews ahead of us and are unaware of my departure to the restroom where I spend a good portion of the service throwing up. Katie came in to check on me making sure I was ok and to escort me back into the church when I was ready. Again, I am in my pew in time to watch the Bishop, the clergy that performs the service, confirm and bless Frankie along with the rest of the participants just prior to the service ending.
Frankie, Katie and friends had fun after the ceremony laughing chatting and posing for photos they would eventually put on their Facebook pages. Unfortunately, some of their pictures were in front of the Stations of the Cross and not exactly appropriate for a church but they didn't notice and I was too sick to make the observation. All I wanted to do was avoid people and conversations for fear of getting sick again. This behavior may have come off as rude or unsocial but for me it was all about witnessing this important moment in Frankie's life and making it through the night.
The cost of chemo
Today a statement arrived in the mail for the first treatment on these new medications, Avastin, Ixabepilone, all the pre-meds, blood draws and a Neulasta treatment to the tune of $70,000. I almost died right then and there. After investigating I found out later that this cost was negotiated down between the Insurance Company and the Clinic, to about $28,000 every three weeks, but come on. How can that be?
How ridiculous is it that one treatment costs so much money? Many people don't make that in a year and this is the charge every three weeks. Thankfully insurance covers most of the charges, but how long are they going to want to pay that? The expense of this illness weighs heavily on my mind, whether it is my money or the insurer's, the cost is mind boggling. Again, I realize that it can take up to twenty years to bring a drug to the point where it is FDA approved, but these circumstances concerning price would probably keep those drugs out of reach to many people.
All that money and I feel like death warmed over. Gone are the days of feeling better for a few weeks between chemo sessions. There is some relief after the first week, but not much, this treatment leaves me feeling sick most of the time. It's hard to take. And I find myself wondering how long I'm going to be able to do this. Family and work, as always, are my priorities. Like clockwork I show up for those two main concerns. Bedtime, my favorite time, comes a little earlier these days just because I get a break during sleep. I'm in bed by nine and usually up by six. If I didn't have these commitments to push myself forward would I still be doing this? Who knows? Luckily I don't have to think about that too much because I do have them. I am grateful.
Advice
Look at your medical options and hopefully you will have more than one to choose from. Consult with your physician but make an educated choice as to what will work best in your own life.
Always include the affects of a decision on your mental outlook. If your spirits are compromised for an extended period of time your fight for life will become more difficult.
Exercise!
Put your own feeling of pain on the back shelf if need be for a short time to experience an important event for a loved one. It is well worth it.
Keep making commitments that you have to show up for, that action can help you move forward as well as take your mind away from your less than desired physical and mental state.
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