Chapter 24, One and a Half Years Down, Half a Year to go?

Chapter 24, One and a half years down, half a year to go?

Another Thanksgiving and Christmas rolls around and I'm still here. It has been about a year and a half since my liver metastases diagnosis, and the, "approximately two years to live", prognosis. Every milestone or holiday I pause to give thanks for my life and in times of weakness think about what will happen in the future. Will I be here a year from now celebrating these same holidays? In this moment we are enjoying the benefits of being together for another holiday season. Life seems so much more blissful now. Everything counts! It should have always counted, but you know how easy it is to think life will always be there, the way you want it to be, or the way that it is, until it just isn't any longer. When your existence hangs in the balance, when this is your last chance for everything, you try very hard not to take it for granted.
As a family we still avoid interacting with a lot of fear or negative discussion about my illness, if it comes up, we remind ourselves to live in the moment. That thought process is much easier when I don't have to go to the clinic every three weeks for chemo treatments, therefore I am not sick and I have some much appreciated hair. My written words cannot come close to conveying the gratitude I feel for this masked feeling of good health over past year. My disease has changed my life for the better solely because I have let it. That is all it takes. Once you accept your negative circumstances, you then give yourself the power to deal with it however you see fit. Are you going to wallow in your self pity and waste the time that you have left? Or, are you going to make the best out of every single moment that you are given? It is your choice.
Every Thanksgiving Eve my daughters and I go to a place called Hawks to purchase a real Christmas tree. This is the first day trees are available at this Nursery. We catch them just as they are being set up outside and we have many to choose from. I've gotten pre tree shopping down to a science. The decorations are brought up from the basement and arranged on the banister and windows, or left in boxes waiting to adorn the tree. Necessary furniture is moved to make way for the tree. The tree stand is brought along to ensure the right size and fit. We wait until late afternoon, pack in the car and venture out. The tree is, after careful deliberation, chosen, trimmed and tied to the roof of the car. Some years we have been fortunate enough to see a gentle snow falling which puts everyone in the mood for the start of the holiday season. This year just being here together puts us in the right frame of mind for the Season of thanks and giving. Because our holiday outing is during the day and it is just easier to have everything done and set up before Mike arrives home, he doesn't accompany us.
Mike used to take part in this ritual but it became too stressful and not fun for him. Perfectionism, tree hunting, ornaments breaking, trees falling over and kids throwing tinsel do not mix well together. He now has the opportunity to come home to a beautifully decorated tree, a nice warm fire and the house lit up like a holiday card, he doesn't have to know about the crazy antics it took to get it there, but we tell him anyway after he's settled in with his glass of wine and paper. "What ornaments broke?" is a common question.
This year I am instructing my oldest daughter Alex, now a sophomore in high school, in the ways of purchasing a tree and all the prep work that is entailed. She wonders why. I tell her she is getting older and it would be a good thing to know. If I were being honest with myself and to her I would say I'm showing you how to do it just in case I'm unable, or not here. I brush that thought away.
Our Holidays go off without a hitch this year. Thanksgiving is quiet and warm with Mike's Father, Dick for the meal and Chuck and Charlotte for dessert. Traditionally Thanksgiving weekend is spent Black Friday shopping for the girls and posing for the annual Christmas card picture. There is the usual bickering while taking 50 or so pictures and deciding which one captures the girl's persona best, but we finally get just the right photo for this year's card. Throughout December the shopping and working days are frenzied all the way up until Christmas break. When school lets out for the Holiday we all breathe a sigh of relief and look forward to Christmas Eve Mass as well as opening presents and sharing the evening and day with Mike's parents and significant others.
January 2005, the year starts out on an uplifting note. I'm finding that I am stronger and more confident about everything in my life. Mike and the girls are doing well at work and at school. My work is going well. The Yoga and body sculpting classes I teach at Ten Point O Gymnastics for adults are yielding confidence in my teaching skills. Class sizes are not large, but the participants are loyal. My friend Sue attends all of my classes faithfully and has become a cherished partner in exercise and conversation. She is a whiz on the computer so if I need a med researched or treatment option looked into she is Susie on the spot. Her input about my illness or anything else in my life has been invaluable. Her friendship and company makes me look forward to teaching every day.
An additional opportunity to use my CPT skills has arisen from the college I gained my degree. Their wellness program offers fee waivers to be used toward personal training hours every semester. The Health Physical Education and Recreation Department solicits the employees to partake in the program and the college pays the Trainers to give them tools to make better, smarter living choices through proper diet and exercise. It is not only a wonderful opportunity for employment for me, but also a proactive wellness benefit for health for the employees.
How could I not feel privileged at how fortunate I am? My job is satisfying. I enjoy the people I work with as well as the people I work for. My friends and my family life bring me joy and I'm still here.

Advice

Stop look and listen, appreciate the life you have around you. If you see things you want to change, get busy doing it.
Try not to take all the wonderful situations in your life for granted. Be reminded that life is good.
Accept a negative circumstance for what it is, but don't get stuck in the "poor me" syndrome, just try to make the best of it.
If you have a friend or family member who is better at a task than you, ask them for their help, they'll feel proactive in your care and you'll both benefit.