Chapter 28, November 2005, The Books I've Read

Chapter 28, November 2005, The Books I've read

November 2005, I continue to feel well. My best friend Jeanne from Chicago has come for a Thanksgiving visit. We have known one another for twenty two years, one of my oldest and dearest friends. She, along with my friend Della, is my first daughter's God Mother, a job taken quite seriously. Last year Jeanne took Alex to New York for the Macy's Day Parade for her eighth grade graduation. It was the experience of a lifetime for her, one she will never forget. Now that we no longer live in Chicago we only see Jeanne twice a year, if we are lucky. Our friendship is one that is comfortable and fits like a well worn glove. Conversations come easily upon seeing one another, no matter how long it's been. Jeanne is five tears my junior, single and a bit of a workaholic.
Last year she suffered the loss of her fiancé. Upon arriving home from work one evening she found him dead, the cause was acute pancreatitis. Not to let much grass grow underneath her, or wallow in grief, she labored through the mourning period with hard work; churning out furniture and design orders left and right, one of the many reasons for her career success as an account representative in the Contract Furniture Industry. Her loss was deep, and she suffered in silence for many months. Working hard was her way of pushing through her life when she could have just given up; one of my many shining examples of inspiration. Just having Jeanne here has made this Holiday special.
Today, Black Friday, we are out looking around for Christmas gifts at a local book store. I come across the inspirational and self help section, on illness and cancer related subjects. This reminds me of all the different books and paraphernalia I've received from people over the course of my illness. Initially, I couldn't bring myself to look at or read anything because I was too overwhelmed with trying to wrap my head around what was going on with me in regard to my health. Once I felt stronger and more confident I began to delve into some of the readings.
The first book I read was by a Dr. who discusses Changes made in dealing with his patients over the span of his career in Oncology. In the early years of his practice he would keep some information from patients if he thought it would be too fear provoking for them, like not telling them how long they had to live. Eventually he realized this was not fair to the patient or to the family. In time, he started giving a projected life span according to statistics. This proved to be problematic with some patients because they would die almost to the date of the diagnosis. Would they have died in that time frame anyway, even if they weren't given that information? One will never know. He finally gave the information in a hopeful, uplifting way adding that it varies from patient to patient within reason. This got me to thinking about the psychological aspect of receiving news of a terminal nature. Either you accept it or you challenge it. You can mentally argue the possibility, not by disagreeing that you have cancer or the fact that cancer can kill people, but by disputing the time frame, you are given.
Some details from this book were already familiar, like the fact that people died almost exactly to the date of the finding of their illness, but the most uplifting information I came away with after reading this memoir was a story related about a colleague of the author's who was stricken with the very disease he had treated for years. This physician requested an extremely aggressive therapy, one in which his associates believed to be a ridiculous undertaking. In their opinion he was being foolish and naïve about the possible results of his actions. The Dr/patient suffered greatly through his treatment, but survived. The narrator describes his delight when he walked into the cafeteria of a hospital a decade or more later to see his once "terminal" colleague alive and well eating his lunch. It is uplifting to hear stories of triumph, against all odds; someone survives what is thought to be the impossible. This gave me hope.
The next book I read was about a famous cycling athlete who stricken with testicular cancer. The guy's story was inspirational and an interesting read, but it occurred to me that I was nothing like him. He was highly motivated his entire life and I have not been, an athlete who was driven from the time he was a young boy. You don't get to an elite and famous status in the sports world by sitting on your laurels, maybe sitting on a bike, but not your laurels. Physicians were tripping over themselves offering help in his cure. He felt excitement and exhilaration at being included in the roundtable of medical professionals discussing his options and the treatment route. How wonderful for him and anyone else that has that type of attention. This is what happens when you are a sports hero I guess.

The average Joe, the majority of patients in the world do not get this type of consideration. We are not famous, just normal every day people trying to make sure that we count, trying to make sure that our particular case is getting the notice it needs. This was not the type of care I received from my first physicians and I don't think it's the type of interest most patients get. I do however feel like I get better attention now, because I've learned to speak up and expect more and I'm in an environment where the patient is encouraged to take an active part in their care. Physicians and nurses have the medical knowledge but the patient needs to be aware of the changes happening in their own bodies. Reading these books is what inspired me to journal my own cancer story. Every inspirational story I've read regarding cancer has helped me in some way, but I thought there should be a book about an average person, raising a family, going to work and or caring for kids dealing with everyday occurrences, on top of trying to survive a terminal illness.
My story may not parallel yours either, but perhaps you'll gain some form of insight in your own battle. I'm fortunate because I don't have to work. Choosing to go back to school and work part-time is a luxury that many may not have. I'm fully aware of that and grateful for the opportunity. As I've said before, my husband makes the bulk of the money and carries the insurance. How fortunate to have this type of abundance when many don't.
Perhaps this story is similar to yours, as I sit in the reception area waiting for treatment a conversation is started with another patient, this woman's story particularly struck me. She lost her job along with insurance because she couldn't go to work and be sick with cancer and treatments at the same time. There was no bitterness, just a matter of fact in her particular life. A smile and warm, inspirational eyes were all I could see as she related her struggle to me. How would I fare in her shoes? Could I do it with the same strength and courage I saw in her. Her story gave me pause and power to continue to fight my own, much easier battle. My prayers that day were for her and her plight, grateful to be in the presence of a true hero, one that I would like to emulate.

Advice
What is your story? Share it if you can, you may be able to help others.
Continue to be inspired in your own fight just by reading about others. It will lift you up.
Be your own health advocate work along with your care givers; don't expect them to do all the work. It is also up to you.