Chapter 27, Junior Ring, 2005

Chapter 27, Junior Ring, 2005
September 2005, Alex came home from school today with a request. The student representatives of her class have asked if I would be willing to give an inspirational speech at their upcoming Junior Ring Ceremony. The observance is a rite of passage ritual at our school for students entering their junior year. This is a time where lower classman move to upper classman status. They cross over into a more responsible time of life and also receive their class rings. The entire student body is there combined with all faculty, staff and family members of the juniors. Roughly speaking there will be about 500 people there. "What?" was my first response to her question, "Why?" was my second ", and my third was a "no", combined with a guttural response of humbled tears.
Alex continued to plead her case until I said yes, ok; I'll try to do it. This would require getting up in front of all these people to discuss my illness and how I handle day to day living with it. The speech would deal with some very intimate feelings and actions that would make me and possibly others, cry. After I agreed, Alex proceeded to tell me that last year's speaker, Mr. Jaworski, a beloved Religion teacher, gave the speech of a lifetime and it was wonderful and moving. The shoes I had to fill were big. Out of sheer terror and nervousness, the speech was written that night and practiced every day, about a month or more, until the day of the ceremony, in hopes of engraining the words in my mind and losing all the emotions which would inevitably be attached to every single syllable. Mr. Jaworski was kind enough to send a list of successful speaking practices home with Alex such as; having good eye contact, don't read from the speech, try not to use a lot of ums and ahs and speak from the heart. Actually I was planning on losing my glasses memorizing the speech and not looking at anyone. If I looked at someone, I might burst into tears. This was a bad idea!!!!!!!!!!!
November 2005, the day of the speech, on the drive to the school my heart is practically beating out of my chest. Wearing a scarf on my head would make me feel too vulnerable so I wear a bad wig instead, one I got from The American Cancer Society. Most of my dress clothes don't fit because I've lost so much weight and I wear exercise clothes to work every day so I don an old skirt of Alex's from the 8th grade coupled with a newer, dressy blouse and heels. Arriving at the school early may have been a mistake. I sat in the office and watched the throng of students shuffle by, all moving into the gym for the ceremony. With each student or parent passing my stomach got weaker and sicker. So much so I thought I would either pass out or throw up. The principal assured me everything would be ok. We went into the gym as soon as everyone had arrived and sat down. My knees were knocking together as I sat through other brief announcements and speeches, which just helped to make me more anxious.
Now it was my turn, as the student introduced me in an eloquent, sincere way conveying such kind words, I burst into tears, yeah before I even got up there! By the time I reached the podium I was a blubbering mess. Once the water works somewhat subsided I told them that I knew I would cry I just didn't think it would be right out of the gate. My hands and knees were still shaking so badly you'd thought I had late stage Parkinson's, but I gave the speech as follows:


The Speech
When Alex approached me on behalf of your class to speak here today, I was……., well frankly I was shocked. I wondered why me when there are so many more qualified candidates. I gave her many reasons why I couldn’t possibly get up in front of all of you bright, impressive young adults. One of the biggest was, I have never done any public speaking. You would have thought that that alone would deter her, but it didn’t. I also reminded her that I have a tendency to cry at the least bit of sentiment, and I may have a hard time getting through the speech, but she persisted. She continued to make her case in regard to why I should do this, and since I’m standing up here today, you might surmise that she won, she can be very persuasive.
Please know that I feel deeply honored by the request, unworthy perhaps, but deeply honored none the less. And I thank you all from the bottom of my heart.
I imagine that part of the reason I was asked to speak was because I have been dealing with a terminal illness for the past few years. But today is not about me and my illness isn’t something I choose to dwell on. I would however, like to relate a small piece of my experience and tie it into what you are going through.
Before I got sick I had asked God if I could do something special with my life. I wanted to make a difference. I wanted to help people. I wanted to have a positive effect on the people that I came in contact with. When I was diagnosed with this disease, I asked God again, but not exactly in the same spiritual manner as I did before. Are you telling me that this is my something special? Cause if it is I change my mind, I was definitely going for something much better than this. Couldn’t I just win the Lottery? I could give most of the money to charity and keep just a little bit for myself.
Whether this was my something special or not, didn’t really matter, because it was now the path that my life has taken. I had a choice to make. I had to put myself in a state of mind in which I could deal with this. I could feel sorry for myself, I could be angry and bitter, or I could deal with this with courage, determination, dignity and a lot of humor. I chose the latter. And I also realized that God didn’t give me this illness so I could touch people. You don’t need to be sick, or have something traumatic happen to you to do something special with your life. You just need to use the gifts that God has given you, and choose to do that in a positive way. Our lives and how we live them are all about choices.
With this in mind I turn to all of you. Here today in this junior ring ceremony you are about to step into the role of upper classmen and women. You are standing on the threshold of your adult lives. Soon you’ll be making decisions that will impact your future. You’ve chosen a theme, Forever Young. Now we all know that physically we can’t be forever young. If we could I wouldn’t be standing up here looking 50, I would look like look like you guys. Forever young is a state of mind and you can all choose the state of mind you’d like to be in. Again, life is all about choices.

As you begin your journey I ask you to keep my experience and your theme in mind.
Choose to live your life with a young and open mind, a young heart, and a young soul.
Choose to enjoy each step of your journey, not just the destination.
Choose to do your best with whatever life hands you.
Choose to believe in yourselves, because anything is possible.
Choose to set your expectations of yourselves high.
Choose to be free from prejudice because you are all created equal.
Choose to make a difference.
Choose to cherish your life for it is fleeting.
Choose to stand up for what is right, no matter how unpopular that may be.
Choose to have a sense of humor, because it will get you through a lot.
Choose to be courageous
Choose to be proud of yourselves because you are all amazing.
Choose to be kind, compassionate, and generous.
Choose to be a decent human being.
And finally,
Choose to be forever young.
CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!
Thank You.
Yes! That's it. Thank God I was done! I wasn't happy about the way I delivered the speech, but I had a big accomplishment under my belt. Staring a fear in the face and just doing it brings about feelings of great accomplishment even though I felt just a little bit humiliated about my delivery. Some of the parents and students were gracious and kind in their words to me after the event was over. My sigh of relief upon completion could be heard throughout the gym. A short note, getting an A in college speech in no way qualifies you to get up in front of 500 people on your first go around. You may want to start out in smaller, less emotional venues.


Advice:
Honor your child's or friend's or spouse's request, if you can.
Take chances; face a fear, what's the worst that could happen, utter humiliation? You can live with that! It is all in how you perceive everything!
Remember that exhilaration upon completing a challenging task feels like a thousand volts of positive, healing energy running through your body. Do the hard work in the trenches so you can come out with a great feeling about yourself!!!! Live, live, live.