Chapter 12 Younger Sister Mary and her Son Jack Arrive

Chapter 12 Younger sister Mary and her son Jack Arrive

My next visitors are my younger sister Mary and her son Jack. Mary's husband Pete was unable to get away so they make the 12 hour drive themselves. Mary is three years my junior and we have always gotten along well, other than the one year that that we didn't speak to each other because I delivered the news that her boyfriend was a lying, cheating skunk of a guy, who didn't deserve her. It was a shoot the messenger kind of not talking thing. She eventually dumped him, we made up and all was right with the world.

Mary and my husband Mike are taking me to chemo today. This is a selfless act and a great challenge for Mary because she lost her first husband, Chuck, six years ago to cancer of the lungs. He was diagnosed with stage four Lung Cancer in January 1995 and died January 3rd 1996 at the age of 38, leaving behind my heartbroken sister, and their four year old son Jack.

Chuck was not a smoker, but an avid athlete of all sports, especially skiing, both water and downhill and of course hockey, a sport where you really need a good set of lungs. The guy was full of life with blue eyes and a big bravado laugh. The world lost a special person the day he passed. Initially he was not able to have any chemo because the Drs. thought it to be futile, but toward the end he did have a few treatments. Chuck tried the Macrobiotic Diet as well, he hated it, but Mary took the pains of researching, preparing and cooking the meals for their family. He also frequented a Chinese Healer who thought Chuck could be cured by this practice. He wasn't! The day he went off the Macrobiotic Diet he had a cheeseburger from McDonald's, he was in heaven.

An inspirational story came out of the ashes of Chuck's death. As he lingered on for his family, Mary could see his pain, tethered to an oxygen tank, fear of suffocating to death, throwing up blood and losing his bowels, she told him it was ok to let go, both her and their son Jack would be fine. One request, however, escaped from Mary's lips, "Give me a sign that you are ok." He answered, "I'll be the cardinal at the birdfeeder." He died at home with his family surrounding him, as he took his last breath, his Mother stated that he was gone. Everyone quietly shed their tears until one of his sister's looked up and saw a cardinal sitting at the birdfeeder. The family all watched in awe as the bird sat there motionless until a female cardinal perched herself next to him and then they both flew away. Mary's comment was, "Oh look he's already got a girlfriend."

Shortly after Chuck died, we got the call to come to Minnesota for the funeral. I walked to the window and looked out onto the snowy blizzard we were having in Ohio and started to cry. All of a sudden, a bright red cardinal dive bombed the window. This made me stop crying for a moment to admire the beautiful contrast of the red bird against the white snow. I would not hear Mary's cardinal story until I arrived a few days later in Minnesota. Every time we see a cardinal now we call it Chuck. I wake up in the morning and see Chuck chirping in the tree and I call out, "How's it goin' Chuck?"

After three years, Mary met and married her second husband, a great guy named Pete who also went through the pain of losing a spouse. It is comforting to know that life goes on after death. If I am to die I hope that one day Mike would meet someone to love again and be happy with.

Today is Mary's first time back to an Oncology Department since the loss of Chuck. Her uncomfortable feelings don't stop her from coming or being the little protective, got your back, bull-dog that she is. She knew I was tired and groggy from the pre-meds that they give you prior to your chemo. I was having a hard time answering the Social Worker's questions so, prior to asking her to leave Mary was virtually boring a hole through the woman with a, it's time to go, look. She politely asked her to let me get some rest. I would have just kept talking until she left.

We had a wonderful visit with Mary and Jack. Every evening she would give me a glorious foot rub which helped tremendously with the neuropathy side effects of the chemo. The neuropathy made my hands and feet a little numb and tingly, it feels almost like a limb falling asleep which gets tingly when it wakes up again. A foot rub is heaven to me and it was a loving and kind gesture.

During the day we would go the beach and sit on the rocks and visualize the positive energy flowing from the waves and moving into our bodies to heal us, or we would walk the shore and talk and laugh.

Her son Jack was a delight to have around as well. He is polite, smart and funny. The girls spent their days playing with him, running, riding bikes or swimming. To look at them all you wouldn't think they had a care in the world.

Mary got up early every morning and helped me feed the kids and pick up the house. My relaxation was a priority of hers. I have a difficult time taking it easy, even when I'm sick, but especially when I have company. Mary also accompanied me to my third visit to the healing nun. Mary and her husband Pete practice Catholicism so she was open to the idea. Sister Monica, true to form was a bit brusque, which Mary didn't like, and again, for whatever reason, the experience proved to be less exhilarating than the first time.

It is time for Mary and Jack to pack up their belongings and head for home. I cherish the time that I have had with them as well as each and every one of my family members. Every experience has been unique and heartfelt. My sister Angie, her husband Rico, along with three of their four sons, Mike, Sean and Charlie, are on their way out for our last visit of the Summer. Their oldest, Ricky can't make the drive.
Advice
Let different friends and family take you to chemo visits, they divert your attention from what's going on and it is a wonderful bonding time for all.
If you get an offer for a foot rub, back rub, etc. take it. Being pampered when you are not feeling well makes your suffering a little better.
Go to your favorite nature places to breathe in all the positive energy that you feel there. Take nice big slow deep breaths, visualizing healing as it flows into the body, as you exhale think of the disease leaving your body. You will feel invigorated.
Take the time to relax during your worst days after chemo, don't stay in bed 24/7, but take several power naps combined with wake times of moving around and occupying your time.