Chapter 11 Maureen and Kerry Make the Drive from Minnesota to Help
My oldest sister Kerry has always been like another Mother to me. As a child I looked up to her and went to her for advice on boys, life, or anything I had seen her experience in her own existence. She is the second child in our family, but the first and oldest girl out of 12 children, giving her a lot of responsibility growing up. Kerry has yet to marry or have kids of her own because she felt she had already done that, the kid's thing anyway. Maureen, my second oldest sister, is quite the opposite of Kerry. She has an easy going nature, much like my own. Laughter is an activity she relishes, along with staying on the go, staying young and having fun. Even though she is close to fifty her looks and actions show less years.
Kerry eats an organic diet and believes that the Macrobiotic diet is the way to heal me. Following the diet has not been an easy process. You have to cook foods in aluminum pans. Most ingredients need to be purchased from a health food store, which is not close by, and many of the foods are new to me. The thought of doing all of this is somewhat daunting. My cancer is overwhelming enough without throwing in a new way to cook and eat into it. Did I already say that the taste is less than desirable? I don’t like seaweed or Tofu and there seems to be an abundance of it on the diet. Obviously there are other foods on the eating plan, but not many are appetizing to me. Food and eating are and should be joyful experiences. I feel too miserable trying to stick to this food regimen, which tells me it is not the right fit for me. And I believe that finding the right fit is paramount in being able to stick to something.
During dinner Kerry and I got into a lightly heated discussion about the Macrobiotic Diet. I felt like I had to muster up the courage to tell her that I don't like it and I don't think I'll keep practicing it. She made a good argument as to why I should maintain my current eating path. Although her reasons made sense, they didn’t take into account that it doesn't satisfy me. She seemed upset with me, but only out of concern. She feels that if I go off the diet I'll hurt my chances for survival. I'm frightened as well, but also miserable and that has to count for something.
On the heels of our dinner discussion, My sister Paddy from California calls and offers to pay for me to go out East to a spa where they teach you to prepare Macrobiotic foods. While you are there you eat a Macrobiotic Diet and work on healing yourself through daily meals and rituals. The offer is quite generous and Paddy can afford it, but I can't accept such an extravagant gift. Everyone in our family knows that I'm a frugal person. They also feel that I'm less apt to spend money on myself even if it might save my life. My answer to that is, this cure is not a guarantee. If it were I certainly would spend the money.
At times I feel inundated with the cancer advice I get from everyone. Drink this tea, take these pills, meditate, eat this diet, the list goes on and on and on. As I’ve said before, when you get cancer, your loved ones get scared and they feel helpless. They only suggest remedies because they want to help.
Some people tend to be more aggressive about what they think you should do. Loved ones should realize that the sick person needs to make up their own mind as to how their illness is going to be handled and then respect that decision. I wish I knew what the right cure was. What do I need to do to stay alive? It would be nice to be sure, but it all seems to be a crap shoot. I believe my best bet is to make an informed sensible decision and stick with it if it feels good, and or, if it seems to work.
The last visit to the clinic for chemo was a few weeks ago so my energy level has been good during My sisters' visit. It usually takes me about 5 days to feel closer to normal after a treatment, which is administered every three weeks. Thankfully they did not have to accompany me to the clinic for a round. Kerry and Maureen stayed for a few more days. We traveled to the East side of Cleveland to purchase groceries from a health food store. Kerry made a wonderful vegetable and olive oil stew, not from the Macrobiotic Diet, so it was delicious. We all sat out on the deck every evening enjoying the garden and flowers, chatting and drinking wine, well, they were drinking wine. I drank water.
Even though Kerry and Maureen left the Catholic Church after high school because of the way nuns and priests dispensed cruelty toward kids, they agreed to keep me company at the next healing. On the way there, Kerry was talking about some sexually explicit goings on in the Catholic Church involving pedophilia until I finally said, "I'm pretty sure that we should not be trash talking the clergy right before we go into church for a healing." The mood was not the same as it was when Mom went with me. We sat through the mass and stayed after for the healing, but this time others went up to the front to be prayed over and a blanket healing was done for the rest of us in the pews. Maureen and Kerry were there to support me, but they did not necessarily believe in the process. This fact took away from my own belief. This healing proved to be less exhilarating than the first.
Advice
Follow your own instincts when it comes to a regimen for getting well.
Let loved one's research whatever they want for you, but realize that in the end the decision is yours and yours alone. It is your life.
If someone offers to pay for a stay in a spa to teach better habits, take them up on it if it feels good and right for you, if it doesn't than don't.
Have faith and confidence in the choices that you make for your own wellness, don't let others sway your faith.
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