CHAPTER THREE: JUNE 2003
It all started June 20, 2003. I woke up with a stitch in my side. It was uncomfortable, but livable. The pain continued throughout the day and bit by bit worsened as the day went along. Sitting at the movies that evening, some dance movie with Jennifer Lopez and Richard Gere, was difficult as the pain continued. Sleep eluded me most of the night. At eight a.m. I called my doctor to see if I could come in. I figured I had a gallstone or something similar. The doctor on call at the clinic in Westlake checked me out. He didn't seem concerned, but suggested that I go to another hospital in Fairview Park for an ultrasound.
The ultrasound was uncomfortable, but quick. The technician asked me to wait in the reception area for my doctor to call. It was a Saturday and not very busy so only the receptionist and I were in the room. For half an hour I waited and watched some Lifetime channel movie that barely held my attention because my stomach hurt so much. When the doctor finally called, she told me that the pain was not from my gallbladder, but from my liver which was full of a metastasized breast cancer. She apologized for giving me the news on the phone. Right there in front of an unfamiliar receptionist I just burst into tears. I didn't make eye contact with the receptionist, but I could feel her nervously staring at me.
Questions were running out of me. What do I do? Where do I go from here? How do I proceed? Who do I talk to? What do you mean full of cancer? I have to wait until Monday? She answered each question, but I wasn’t listening to the answers. The feelings I was having were so surreal. This could not really be happening to me. I was done with cancer. There must be some mistake. When I hung up the phone, I made my way through the hospital crying, as silently as I could, never once looking up at all the people I knew were watching me. My van was waiting for me. It must have driven me home on its own. I remember it was a beautiful sunny day, not too hot or too cold. How many more days like this would I be able to enjoy?
Still in shock and sobbing, I called my husband. He was at home with Frankie and Katie, our two youngest daughters. When I gave him the news he started screaming, "No! No!" I knew our daughters were standing there listening so I told him to stop. His reaction jolted me out of my own shock. "Settle down, Mike, Think about the girls. I'll be home soon. Everything will be okay."
My next phone call was to my parents. My mom answered the phone, and I blurted out the news through sobs and tears. She knew I was going to the doctor because I called her on the way there. She asked me in a calm voice what the doctor had said, what procedure they'd used to discover this, what the plan of action was. When she found out I was driving, she asked me to pull over until I calmed down. My mother is a retired nurse so she is used to calming people in chaos. She didn’t even cry, which was strange because, in other situations, she cries so easily and often. My dad got on the phone next. He usually lets my mom deal with the medical discussions because she knows more about those sorts of things. He just told me to take a deep breath and get home safely. He reminded me of my strong upbringing and my ability to handle things. His exact words were "You can do this Kristy, I made you a fighter." He wanted me to know that I was up for the challenge, but I could hear a quiver in his voice.
When I got off the phone, I decided that I was going to have to be strong. This may sound strange and unrealistic, but in that instant I just shored up and collected all of my thoughts. I told myself that I could handle this. My parents had raised a strong, determined woman, and this was my time to prove it. I also realized that I was the one with the most control over this illness and was best equipped to deal with it. Little did I know how very true that statement would turn out to be.
A few minutes later, I called my parents back and told them that I was okay, and I was ready for a fight. They needed to hear that. As I pulled into my driveway, I shed a few tears. My husband and children were sitting out front waiting for me. As I got out of the car, they all ran up to me with tears streaming down their faces. We all hugged and consoled one another.
The rest of the afternoon was spent calling friends and family as well as setting up doctor's appointments for the following Monday. My children jumped on their instant messaging and announced to their friends and the world, it seemed, that I had liver cancer. We were all exhausted by 5 that afternoon. It's amazing how difficult it is to call people and give them that type of news. They cry, you cry, you answer a lot of questions; it just isn’t an easy process. Not for anyone.
Mary Anne, one of my neighbors, brought over KFC for dinner. She didn’t think we would have thought about food. She was right. My good friend Cindy came over just to be with us and chat. We sat on our deck enjoying chicken and beer (just one for me), family and friends. By the end of the night we were laughing and having a good time. It was good for the kids to see that you can be given devastating news, yet survive and still have fun and hope that things will be okay. Laughter is a wonderful tool, and having a good sense of humor will get you through just about anything. Soon enough I was tired and ready for bed.
How to handle going to Drs. appointments:
When you have a suspicious pain after you've had a serious illness it is always good to go to the Dr. with someone. Getting devastating news when you are alone isn't a great idea. First of all you are so distraught that you do not listen very well to what the Dr. is telling you. It is good to have someone taking notes or just listening with another pair of ears.
It is also not a good idea to drive home by yourself when you've gotten negative health news. Tears get in the way of good vision. Your thoughts may be racing all over the place which impedes concentration. Add in heavy traffic and it could spell disaster.
Using a cell phone in the above situation only exasperates all of the concentration efforts of the sick person. When you've gotten bad news you are inclined to call everyone and it would be much easier if you were not driving at the same time.
Try not to go to the worst place scenario. There is always hope, try to keep your thoughts on the positive side.
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